He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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