im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
