Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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