Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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