Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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