I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
