Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
