I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we're making bets on your personal life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Are we still banned from the library?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
