Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
