Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the liver wants what the liver wants
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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