Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
