Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
