Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
