Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
