I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
