i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
