scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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