I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
