Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We have started to decorate penises.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
