The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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