I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
