Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
