Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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