Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
