It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
