Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize