This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
