I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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