so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
