I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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