I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
