Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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