I've blown a few things in my day
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
