So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You smell like stripper and shame
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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