Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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