WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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