I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
