i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
