I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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