We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
