oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
