I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I FOUND THE LEGS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
