We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
