Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
