The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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