My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
