We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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