Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize