Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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