I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
