I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
