i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
