College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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