Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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