i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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