"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
