I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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