It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
