i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
