I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
