Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
