You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
