yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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