the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
