why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
