Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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