i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
