All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
