Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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