if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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