dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
