her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
