I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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