i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
