none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize