yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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