I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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