I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
