Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Quick, to the slutcave!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
