You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
